For the past 6 years, I have gone to the same OB/GYN, I had infertility issues, and he helped me conceive my little boy, <i>now 2 and a half</i>. During this time, <i>actually longer</i> I have been trying to lose weight, a lot of it. <i>150 ish to be exact</i> I have had no success. I weighed the same after my pregnancy with my son, as I did before. But even breastfeeding, eating right, walking a few days a week, and drinking a ton of water... nothing helped.
This year I ended my 29th year with an endometrial biopsy on Christmas Eve. I tried to enjoy my holiday, and the past two weeks with my family and friends. Although, most of the time I was in pain, I did enjoy most of the time we had together. I got my results back that Friday, and everything is fine, But I still needed to heal. It was a simple procedure, painless in the moment, but because my uterine lining doesn't shed on it's own, messing around down there, causes me pain and discomfort.
Two days ago, I went in for my follow-up. January 3. We decided on a game plan for this year. Now that I am officially 30, I am going to lose the weight I gained when I was 20 and going through divorce. I will end this year being able to look at the woman I have become, instead of seeing the girl I once used to be. I will lose this constant reminder of my ex-husband and all the pain he caused me, and in a way keeps causing me, because of the constant reminder.
Yesterday I started this new chapter. I have a proscription that is supposed to help boost my metabolism, and assist in the jumpstart of me losing weight. I don't know right now if it will work, but I will try anything short of cutting me open and putting a rubber band around my stomach. I refuse to have unnecessary surgery.
Now, here I am, starting my journey to the new me. The reason for my new year's resolution "Not Giving Up" because THIS is what I want.
I want to go into a store, see clothes I like, and have OPTIONS in my size. I want to run around with my kids, play sports, Possibly RUN! I like jogging, why don't I do it? My legs feel like they'll break under my weight. I want to chase my kids, and I want to live a long healthy life.
With my doctor's help, and his words of advice "Eat breakfast like a queen, lunch like a princess, and dinner like a pauper." I WILL drop these unwanted, unnecessary pounds.
2014 WILL BE MY YEAR.
I will get the self confidence I pretend I have, I will lose weight I don't want, I will get my photography known, I will transition myself into a beauty on the outside instead of just within me.
I know, this blog is not supposed to be based on health, or anything other than "My Wiccan Thoughts" But today, I wanted to share this.
I believe it may be partly due to the Goddess that I was blessed with the doctor I have, that I may receive the help I desire, and I may emerge in a year as the beauty I dream to be.
One dream I have, is to have a photo of myself in the light of the Goddess, empowering myself with her magic. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do, or how I'd like to look, but my dream photo of me, is nude, in nature with only my hair or leaves covering my "bits & pieces." I will need to find a talented photographer to assist me, and I believe I may know one. Though, I refuse to request this photoshoot until I have reached a point where I am proud of my naked body. That photo, I will get in a large scale print, and put somewhere in my house. Depending on how great it looks, I might put it in the bathroom, or my bedroom. If it ends up looking like I'm not nude, or very classy <i>like how I would like it to look</i> I might put it in a more common place.
When I have reached this goal, I will be proud to show off how I look. I will stand in front of people and not be afraid to be the center of attention. I will start conversations my weight makes me feel I shouldn't even try.
Sometimes I feel insecure because of my weight. <i>Most of the time, any insecurities I feel, <b>IS</b> because of my weight</i> and this is why when my doctor said he could assist me, I jumped at the opportunity.
Merry we meet, merry we part, merry we meet again.
Blessed Be
☽✪☾