Everyone I know has some kind of hero they admire.
I'm not one of those people.
I learned at a very young age anyone you lookup to has done something that makes them more human. To me that meant they hurt someone, whether they did it on purpose or not, I didn't know.
I had looked for a hero in history, yet I couldn't find anyone I admired enough to call a "hero" because I didn't want to be like any of them. I looked at my parents, my friends' parents, other adults- and I still was unable to find one person I wanted to be like.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a cartoonist for Disney. I wanted to have a paid internship and travel. I had a full ride to art school and the doors were opening for me at just fifteen years old.
About six months later, I met my first boyfriend who later became my ex husband. He was toxic, abusive, and controlling to say the least. Because of the choices I made with him, I let go of my dreams and started a new path.
I was now a barely 20 year old divorce' with two babies under two. I no longer had time for college because I had to work to pay rent, buy food and diapers, and be an adult.
The struggle was real.
I went through depression, gained a ton of weight. Then I found myself returning to my spirituality very slowly. I started walking my dog after dinner and putting my kids to bed. I meditated every morning. Nap time I would read books. I found time to find myself and become a person I could live with.
I accepted being a single mother. I didn't date because I felt I didn't need a man for anything except the occasional bedtime fling. I was responsible, chose a partner who I respected and he respected me. We had boundries and limits. He wasn't allowed to let anyone know we were together, we chose to have only eachother as a sexual partner. We used protection and respected each other.
After a while that arrangement didn't work for him any longer, yet I couldn't give him more. We were and still are friends. He helped me to realize not all men are bad, Sex isn't always painful, and I deserve to feel loved unconditionally.
That unconditional love was something I never felt before I was a mother. I learned I didn't love him the way you love someone you want to spend your life with and we mutually broke up when neither of us was the person the other needed.
Another year of self discovery, reconnecting with myself and becoming content with my identity, I found myself working 2 full-time jobs and one part-time. I had no time for my kids and just enough money to pay bills, have food, and a tiny bit saved for a "rainy day."
I had found myself feeling numb as a seemingly happy single mother of two, working seven days a week, and having no time for those two people who meant the most to me. I was spiritual, and I was one with the goddess. Yet something was missing.
I was proud of the person I had become and all I went through.
One day my brother's friend fell on my four year old son, breaking his femur. A week later, I finally had a beautiful Sunday off from all my jobs. This day was my first day off in months and I decided I was spending it with my children doing something fun. This day changed my life forever.
I met a man who changed my view of being happy.
Here I am almost eleven years later with my best friend and partner in life. We have three, almost four children together. Including the two from my "before I met him" life.
Through that journey, I became my own hero and it paid off for me.
Since that life, I have met extraordinary people. People I am proud to call my family.
I have stood my ground as to who I am. I inspire others to do the same. I have helped my partner stop feeling badly for being human and having faults. He has gone from being unsure of hisabilities, to bring just as strong, if not stronger than I am.
He's my best friend. He's a true hero to us. He gave my children a father and dad, he returned their mother. Since that day, I work only on school days. We do things together as a family as often as possible. We live a life I never thought possible.
💞